Happy Valentine’s Day. If You’re Into That Type of Thing

For the record, I love Valentine’s day.

However, I find that most people and companies involved take it way too seriously.  There’s rarely anything funny, and if it is “funny” it’s the same naughty joke.  To make matters worse, it’s usually a day full of lies.  We lie to each other because for some reason we feel that we are supposed to make a big deal out of it even if we don’t want to.

Would you like to know what The Boy and I do on Valentine’s Day?  We eat Chinese food and watch a movie on TV. That’s it.  It’s lovely.  And snuggly.  And we’re fucking adorable.  It’s ok to be jealous.

I’ve decided it’s time for a change.  Let’s be real with each other this Valentine’s day.  To assist with this, I’ve made you some cards to give to your loved (or just sorta liked) one this February 14th:

1. This one’s for the ladies. Well, more specifically, this one’s for the people who like dudes.

2. This one is the same, but in case you’re not really all that into Brad Pitt.  It’s a customizable Valentine!

3. If you just entered in a relationship recently, and aren’t ready to do the whole “Valentine’s Day” thing, this card is for you!  It expresses the fact that you dig the person, but aren’t ready to take the leap to snugly photos and kissing teddy bears.

4. This is for the other people.  People like The Boy and I.  People who have been in a committed relationship for quite some time.  People who are real about their love for one another.

5.  There are two versions of the next card.  The first is for those in love  and the second is for those unwilling to use the “l” bomb at this time.  It reflects the things that are most important in a relationship.

6. Sometimes, it’s easy to confuse not being annoyed with love.  If you think you’re that person, here’s the most romantic card you can send:

7. This one involves poop.  So, it’s funny and accurate.

8. And finally, when you just want to tell her she’s pretty, but you want her to think you like her personality too.

So, here’s to an honest holiday.  I can’t think of one reason this wouldn’t go well.  Please feel free to download those images and share them with your dear loves.  If you would like, I have included the PDF versions below!

1. BradPitt

2. BlankName

3. Ilikeyou

4. Pillow

5a. Cheesy Love

5b. Cheesy Like

6. tolerate (no judging me that I misspelled tolerate on the file name.)

7. poop

8. Pretty

UPDATE: I added another card.  This card is for someone, like me, whose husband forgot or was too lazy to go get something nice for Valentine’s Day (again).  It’s also for people who go out of their way to make homemade Stud Muffins for her husband AND surprise him with a sweet card and his favorite candy, but when he comes back in the house because he forgot his wallet just stomps around yelling because he didn’t put it away and can’t find it rather than taking half a second to say two small words: “thank” and “you”.

This card is for those people.  Not that I’m naming any names or anything. Ahem.

Here’s the PDF if this fits your situation too: IStillLoveYou