My Skyfall review in the form of open letters to the cast. (No Spoilers, promise).

So, I went to see Skyfall (the new James Bond movie) with my mom and Grandma this weekend.  Besides the fact that everyone around me was talking at various points throughout the movie, I really enjoyed it.  So, I decided to write a Skyfall review for those of you who are still on the fence about going.  This is probably the best Skyfall review you will ever read.  If not the best Skyfall review, then certainly the best review.*

*I make no legal claims to the validity of these statements.  I don’t know how many Skyfall reviews you’ve read nor do I know your opinion of them.

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Dear Skyfall Screen Writer, Director, Producer, etc:

I would like to thank you for this installment of the 007 series.  I must admit, that I was skeptical back at Casino Royal when Bond was suddenly blonde haired and blue eyed.  However, the casting choice of one Mr. Daniel Craig (yum) was impeccable.  But, more on that later.

I must commend you for this movie.  It was by far the best Bond flick I’ve seen to date (and I’ve seen an entirely reasonable amount of Bond Flicks).

Well done,

HMM

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Dearest Q:

You. Are. Adorable.  Enchanting and enigmatic and entirely unexpected.  I knew who you were as soon as you entered the room.  I laughed.  My mother said, “Why are you laughing?”  and I replied, “I know that guy.” I was speaking figuratively, of course.  I don’t actually know you, I just happen to know a lot of people just like you.

Regards,

HMM

PS: I also like to do complicated things in my jimmy jams. (No dirty joke here, I’m just too lazy to get dressed at times.)

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My Dear M:

Work it, girl.  Seriously.  You are fucking fierce and I love every minute of it.

When you were telling people where they can stick I was right there with you, finger in the air, neck bobbing and thinking, “get ’em”. (I’m sorry, I know that’s very American of me.)

DIGNITY BE DAMNED!

Hugs and Kisses,

HMM

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Ms. Moneypenny:

I welcome your return to the silver screen with open arms.  You, my dear, are a delight.

I am grateful that you are back because now when someone asks me to take a message or to remind them of something my sassy retort of, “If you’re going to treat me like your secretary the least you can do is call me Moneypenny” has suddenly been thrust back into this decade.

Most appreciatively,

HMM

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Mr. Daniel Craig,

I feel that you and I are on a more informal basis and there is no need for me to reference you by your character name, 007, unless of course, that’s what you’re into.

You, my dear sir, are a  wonderful man.  You made me laugh and cheer and made my heart (amongst other things) all atwitter.

(Ok, I lied there is one sort of a spoiler, Daniel Craig does not have a mostly nude scene where he’s all wet from swimming.  While he looks dashing in a suit and quite delightful without a shirt, it’s just not the same.)

I have only one commentary on your performance.  Remember in Casino Royale when you were coming out of the ocean in that delightfully tight and tiny swim suit?  It was blue and like a combination speedo/swimtrunk man bikini.  You were glistening and muscley and struty and it may have been the defining moment in your career.

I would like to propose that you perform every scene in every film in that costume.  All of them.  I feel it will add depth to your characters.  I am not asking for you to be nude (unless that’s what you feel would be best) because I want you t keep your dignity and that air of mystery.  I understand some actors are against nude scenes, and I respect that.  Because I have scruples and respect your art.  And stuff.  I refuse to treat you like a lesser being or a piece of meat. (Unless you want me to, I’m pretty much game for anything.)

Much love and only a little stalking,

HMM

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So, there’s my Skyfall review.  Great movie, needs more nudie-pants for Daniel Craig.  I’m fairly certain it’s the review to end all reviews*.  Of Skyfall at least.**

*This is probably inaccurate.

** This is definitely inaccurate.  I’m sure there are actual professionals offering more reviewy Skyfall reviews.

UPDATED: Hey! Skyfall was the #1 movie at the theaters this weekend! Well, according to IMDB it was.  So, my Skyfall review is entirely relevant.  This is thrilling because I am usually entirely irrelevant. (Just ask my husband).