The hardest part about my job, aside from all the other hard parts I’ve mentioned previously about my job, is that I am not only required to do my actual job, but I also have to keep my boss entertained on a daily basis. It’s kinda like running a party and being the clown that keeps the children from crying.
Just now, High Chancellor, just asked me if I had posted anything interesting on my blog. I went through some of the recent posts and knew I had nothing he was looking for. So, I decided just to post some of the conversations we have over our internal Instant Messenger program. I am sorry if none of this is funny. It was hilarious at the time.
*All the important details have been changed to save our jobs. The names were randomly generated by fakenamegenerator.com.
Me: From a customer, “I accidentally cancelled the registration for ‘HilariouslyInappropriateDomainNameAboutPinkVinyl.com'”
Me: that’s a travesty.
Me: Where would we be without that domain???
High Chancellor: i think it would make the day a little less bright
High Chancellor: it has no site 🙁
Me: I know. I checked too.
High Chancellor: lame
Me: It’s like a rollercoaster of emotion right now.
High Chancellor: i cant take these emotional tides right now
Me: James W. Tate is stupid.
Me: I want to score him for this ticket because he’s stupid and the trainee is less stupid than him.
Me: And then I’m going to kick him in the shin and insult his hair.
Me: Just for good measure.
High Chancellor: do it*
High Chancellor: i hate that guy
*I am going to consider this documented permission for corporal punishment.
Me: are you dressing up for the halloween contest?
High Chancellor: is that a real question?
Me: I totally am.
Me: And I’m going to win.
High Chancellor: no. im not 12.
Me: Nor are you awesome, apparently.
High Chancellor: with your creativity and attention to detail, ive no doubt that youll be the person to beat in that contest.
High Chancellor: I AM FUCKING AWESOME
Me: THEN COME TO WORK IN A COSTUME.
High Chancellor: I DRESS UP AS AWESOME EVERY DAY MOFO
High Chancellor: in other news, going out for drinks with Francis Y. Parkman makes me a HUGE asshole
High Chancellor: i swear, i will never understand women
High Chancellor: ever
Me: … (yes, this is the slang use of elipses. I apologize for temporarily lowering my standards. I’m tired and busy starting the zombie apocalypse with my sickness.)
High Chancellor: man will achieve total knowledge in the field of quantum mechanics before we figure out what goes on womens heads
High Chancellor: *in
Me: I mean, you are a huge asshole, so who really cares what reason is given for it?
High Chancellor: that sentence is funnier with the missing word
High Chancellor: im not a huge asshole
High Chancellor: thats a terrible thing to say about me
High Chancellor: im nice to some people
High Chancellor: im generally nice to you, for example
Me: even the people you’re nice to you’re only nice *sometimes*
High Chancellor: i think you’re confusing ‘people’ with ‘coworkers’
High Chancellor: many of these coworkers arent qualified to be referred to as ‘people’
High Chancellor: im nice to my friends all the time!
High Chancellor: im super nice, so fuck off with your bullshit
Me: silly me.
Me: I stand corrected.
Me: Especially with that last response.
High Chancellor: <3
Me: You’re entirely made of honey and sweet smelling flowers.
High Chancellor: i accept your brilliant observation of me as irrefutable fact and thank you for noticing.
And then we talked about Strippers, Eifle Towers (the naughty one, not the one in Paris), how to hire shot girls and the potential obstacle course they may need to go through to be deemed acceptable for a Bachelor Party.
AND I was still more productive than required. I’m amazing. You should hire me and pay me boatloads of money.