Ok, I would like to come out with an official Hot Mess Martha stance on this whole Chick-fil-a hates gays thing because I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath on what to do based on my opinion.
First, I would like to start off by saying two things, number 1 how many of us honestly choose where we patron based on the company’s political, or in this case, social stance? For example, there is a popular local restaurant near where I live that when integration was required and Jim Crowe disbanded removed all tables and chairs because while they would take money from black people, they wouldn’t serve them. To this day, it is a walk in establishment and tables have not been added back in. People still go there, even though they are clearly still racist. This is common knowledge in this area, yet they are still doing a good business.
The second thing I would like to point out is that if you are surprised by this news you’re an idiot. This company is closed on Sundays. They are a fried chicken place in the south and they are closed on Sundays for God. Of course they’re conservative. We’re just lucky they let the female employees out of the kitchen!
My next point of contention is against all these morons trying to get people to boycott Chick-fil-a. Here’s a hint: IT WON’T HELP. People may stay away for a few weeks or months while this issue is fresh in their minds, but they will go back to wanting their sodium-packed, pickle marinated, peanut oil fried chickeney goodness once this cause is out of the media, and therefore out of their immediate memories. Chick-fil-a knows this. Every realistic person knows this. Out of sight, out of mind. For example, who still posts, “I am the 99%” pictures on Facebook? That’s what I thought.
So, I propose that if we are going to be upset about this whole Chick-fil-a thing for a little while, we might as well do something. Seriously, “boycotting” requires a lot more involvement than we can muster, and realistically, it’s paramount to doing nothing.
SO, LET’S GET OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING.
I think a better way to get people’s attention is to piss people off. And, even if it doesn’t garner world changing views of acceptance, it’s a whole hell of a lot funnier than sitting around griping.
Let’s follow the model of the peaceful rebellion of the civil rights movements and have sit ins! FABULOUS sit ins! The more over the top, the better! Let’s have people actually dress as fairies and wear, “I heart the gays” t-shirts. Let’s band together and take up every seat in local Chick-fil-as and actually make a statement.
We’ll have a “Most Clever Slogan” contest and make this shit viral. The funnier the better, let’s use this as a way to show the world just how ridiculous Chick-fil-a is.
I’m super excited about this. Let’s make this happen.
Here are some of my suggested slogans for t-shirts, chants, and signs:
“Let the gays have their chicken and eat it too.”
“Why can’t I love Jesus, chicken, and other men?”
“The chicken doesn’t care who I sleep with.”
“This chick’s a big fan of breast meat.”
“Perhaps you should hate vegetarians, not gays.”
“I’m allergic to peanuts, not penis”
Ok, that’s all I’ve got for now, any other ideas? I’m a big fan of inappropriately funny slogans.